Face-to-Face: Reflecting Love

When I entered the conference room, one of my colleagues, Johnny, was already there. Johnny was looking at some materials belonging to another coworker, Bruce, who happened to be momentarily absent. I paused, and I wondered, Should he be looking at that? Is it private?

Johnny put the materials back at Bruce’s place and engaged me in conversation. Soon enough Bruce returned, and we commenced our meeting. I was distracted, though–I was wondering, Did Johnny just sneak a peek at Bruce’s stuff? Was he violating his privacy? Maybe I’m misreading the situation. Maybe Johnny was just organizing the table for the meeting. Or maybe not. Should I confront Johnny? Should I tell Bruce? Is it worth making a big deal about this or not?

The meeting ended, and the day passed. I then went out of town for a conference and thought nothing more of the incident. But when I returned to the office a week later and passed Johnny in the hallway, I wondered again about what had actually happened. We exchanged pleasantries and he asked me about my trip, but all the while I found myself mentally questioning his integrity and character. I realized that my working relationship with Johnny was tainted by my suspicions that he had acted unethically. But should I talk to him about it or not? What if I’m wrong and accuse him of something he didn’t do? What would Jesus do?

I heard a sermon once that said, “Truth without love will crush. And love without truth is mush.” Likewise, all truth and no love makes you a Pharisee. But all love and no truth is heresy. Balancing love and truth is one of the paradoxes of the Christian life; both are essential. A commitment to pursuing truth means that we should pursue openness and disclosure rather than ignore issues or sweep them under the carpet. The challenge, however, is figuring out how to seek and uphold truth in a way that reflects Christian love and respect for human dignity, aiming to preserve and restore relationship. Praying for wisdom is essential to discerning what course of action is best, especially when answers aren’t obvious.

Deciding to avoid a direct face-to-face confrontation, I sent Johnny an e-mail, asking for information and clarification. I told him that it seemed to me that he had been sneaking a peek at Bruce’s materials. I asked if he would like to chat about it.

Johnny e-mailed back, admitting that he had been glancing at Bruce’s stuff, but said that there had been no subversive or malicious intent. He apologized and promised that it wouldn’t happen again. It appeared to have been an honest mistake, and his contrition rang true.

More significantly, though, I detected a slightly hurt tone in his reply. And rereading my message, I realized why–I had already assumed his guilt. In fact, I had been ready to forward the e-mails to Bruce and others, with a self-righteous sense of my own moral superiority. I realized, somewhat horrified, that I had been more eager to prove Johnny’s guilt than to clear the air and restore our relationship.

So I apologized, face-to-face, for thinking the worst of him, and we mutually agreed to have a greater spirit of freedom to speak openly about any potential issues or misunderstandings. We concluded the matter with a slightly awkward hug. And I went back to my desk, grateful for the presence of God’s grace in a fallen world of imperfect people like my coworkers. Like me.

Read more of Al Hsu at TheSuburbanChristian.blogspot.com.