Family Matters

Unfinished work with our parents or siblings will haunt us and continually erode other relationships if we do not give it our careful, prayerful attention.

The brothers Jacob and Esau can write in large letters and with clear, strong voices: Do your family homework. The Old Testament story of Jacob’s deceiving his father to gain the blessing intended for Esau shows two brothers at war. Jacob exploited Esau’s hunger and shortsightedness to steal his birthright (Gen. 27 and 28). Deep, wounding family battles like these caused such hatred that Jacob fled for his life to his uncle more than 200 miles away (Gen. 27:41-44).

Twenty years passed (Gen. 28:12-17). Jacob learned to live with sleepless nights, because his uncle Laban proved to be as deceptive as he was. When Laban promised Rachel to Jacob in exchange for seven years of work, Jacob did the work. Come time to fulfill his end of the contract, Laban read Jacob the fine print: the oldest daughter marries first. So Jacob got Leah first—and Rachel for an additional seven years.

Jacob wearied of conflict with his uncle, and his wives were equally ready to cut ties with their uncaring father. This left Jacob with the serious problem of having to face his brother, Esau. Jacob’s mother had promised to send for him when Esau had forgotten Jacob’s deceit—but the letter never came. And as if it were yesterday, Jacob could still see the seething hatred flowing toward him the day before he left home (Gen. 32 and 33).

And now an aside: My wife, Carole, is a gracious, loving person with a gift for listening. She once visited the wife of our next door neighbor, then she dropped by to visit the neighbor across the street. As Carole returned home, the phone rang; when she picked it up, the caller began to turn the air blue. The first woman she had visited was seething.

Less than a week later, while walking with our neighbor’s husband, I mentioned the incident. I asked whether anything like that had happened before. He said, “All the time, with her sisters.”

Day by day, we live out the gifts and the burdens of our pasts. Unless we address and mend our broken relationships, they will impede all other friendships, business encounters, authority connections, and family intimacy.

Read Genesis 33:1-10 to learn Jacob and Esau’s surprise ending.

Question:

• Is there a wounded relationship in your family that you, with God’s help, can change?