Between Yesterday and Tomorrow

Lord, between yesterday and tomorrow,
Lies today and all its sorrow;
Please give me help for the journey,
And strength to keep walking.

These words tumbled onto the pages of my notebook as I sat numbly at the lake's edge. Leaves fell to the water and swirled. My mother had died recently, and I was caught in the strange world of disbelief and sorrow. She was sick for some time. Lymphoma treatment put the disease in remission but damaged her heart. Many times she came close to dying. But in the past few months, hope was magically reborn when she qualified for a potential heart transplant. Her doctors reassured us that her condition's severity put her near the top of the national waiting list. They were confident they could keep her alive until a heart was available. They were wrong. She took a rapid turn for the worse and never lived to receive a new heart. Thus I found my life with a huge void that my mother, best friend, mentor, and grandmother to my children once had so abundantly filled.

In the months to come, in addition to my grief, I felt anger and self-pity. She was only sixty-four, young by today's standards. When I saw other women with their mothers, I felt jealous. Why had I lost my mother when most women my age still had theirs? And I was close with my mother, whereas so many daughters were not! Such thoughts were not right and certainly not helpful, but despite my efforts to suppress them, they invariably resurfaced.

Gradually, I became aware of God reminding me to be thankful in all things. Now, Paul's command to give thanks in all circumstances (Philippians 4:4-6) was always one of my biggest challenges. Just how do I give thanks and feel joy when I feel pain, anger, and self-pity? But the message kept coming: thankfulness holds mystery and grace.

I began simply to thank God for being with me. This somehow evolved into thanking Him for the blessings and the personal growth in the midst of my suffering. The turning point came when I began deliberately to respond to feelings of self-pity and resentment with thanksgiving that God had given me my mother at all. Rather than focus on my early deprivation, I focused on joy that God had blessed me with a loving, wise mother. I learned yet again that God makes good on His promises. Through thanksgiving and prayer, my focus turned; and in my grief, I experienced a new level of healing. I will always profoundly miss my mother, but now my heart remembers the blessings more than the loss.




Questions for discussion:

• Are there situations in your life in which you focus on the negative?

• How might thanksgiving help change your focus and heart?

• Has a blindsiding event ever caused you to feel self-pity and anger?

• How does God promise to meet you there?