Forgetting to Remember God

I completely forgot about God for two entire weeks. I know, that sounds terribly unspiritual of me. Couldn't I have at least garnered a passing nod to the one who created me, the savior of my soul?

I wasn't purposefully ignoring God. But gradually, a massive rip tide of distractions going on in my life swept me away. For two entire weeks, there was no morning Scripture reading before work, no Sunday morning worship services, no spiritual meditation, no acknowledgement of God's presence in my life, not even a brief prayer whispered in the frenzy of a busy day.

I was really, really busy.

"Wow," I can hear you say. "That sounds so lame."

But it's true. Between work pressures, family obligations, weekend travel plans, and driving my two daughters around, I barely had time for sleep, let alone deep spiritual communion with the Almighty. It all came to a crunch during this particular two-week period--the tyranny of the crammed family schedule. I know. That's so new-millennial-suburban-affluent passé, right?

And now the little Evangelical Preacher Voice in my head (who visits with me frequently) has become very agitated. He is convicting me quite effectively with his high and mighty rants about spiritual laziness, shouting, "There are no excuses for forgetting about God!" He is also threatening me with that very disturbing scripture from Revelation about the lukewarm Christians getting spit out of God's mouth. The Preacher Voice lectures me about Martin Luther. When faced with an extremely pressing day, rather than skipping his morning prayer time, Martin Luther said "I can't afford NOT to pray!" That man knew his priorities. He was spiritually disciplined, certainly. On his busiest days, Martin Luther woke up an extra hour early in order to have his time with Our Lord, giving him the spiritual strength that he would need to manage the pressures of his life.

Not me. Let's just call a spade a spade. I am spiritually undisciplined. Especially if sleep deprivation is at stake. Nine times out of ten, I'll opt for that extra 20 minutes of sleep, because, you see, unlike Martin Luther, I will feel cranky and achy and unable to function if I don't get a decent night of sleep. This then leads to irritation and cursing and all sorts of un-Christian-like behavior later in the day with my associates. I'm sure you can see my logic and reasoning. I can't afford NOT to sleep!

So God slips through the cracks. He becomes the lowest priority, the bottom rung of the ladder. That's the truth. And I know that it's not right.

Well, OK. There is this one other thing. I was in the midst of closing a major deal that was two years in the making, but it was not going so well. In fact, I was wondering if the whole thing was going to fall apart.

I fretted anxiously, trying to push things along, but knowing full well that I had no control of the outcome. Being the exemplary leader that I am, I faked out everyone around me. I pretended with brash confidence that I was in complete control. But inside, I was getting eaten up with worry and doubt.

So there you have it. The crammed family schedule was not the culprit here. I forgot about God—no, I avoided God—because I was panicky and needed to be in control of the mess I was in. Isn't that ridiculous? But isn't that so human, too? My worry and doubt were so inferior to our omniscient loving God to trust. Especially when you take into account that this God who loves me has made a way in every situation over the past 40-plus years of my life. But I just didn't have the spiritual presence of mind to stop, acknowledge God's vast superiority to me and my little situation, and give it over to him.

I didn't trust God.

Finally, the crazy family travel schedule settled down, and the next Sunday I found myself back in church again. The peace and comfort of the worship service—the liturgy, the readings, the music—they all served to calm and refocus my spirit. When it was time for all of us to read the Prayer of Confession, I joined in with the voices of the congregation, saying:

"Seeds of doubt grow quickly in our hearts. Fear chokes off confidence and prevents us from receiving your Spirit. We multiply our sorrows by worshipping what we see and hear more than you, our delight and salvation. O God, in your great mercy, grant us the peace that passes understanding. Forgive us, and draw us close to you, that we may breathe deeply of your presence and find in you the fullness of joy."

At that moment, as I read the prayer, I remembered God again. It was like God waved the smelling salts before my spiritual nose, and it all came back to me. What have I been doing? God, how could I have just forgotten about you? I realized how self-centered I had been the past two weeks. God is so much bigger than my deal, so much more important than whatever the outcome is going to be. And he loves me.

I gave in again to God, utterly and completely, and trusted him with my work. As it turned out, the deal was saved.

Sometimes God is subtle, and a real gentleman. He doesn't go around saying "You idiot! I told you so! What were you thinking!" He allows us intelligent creatures to figure it out on our own, even though he must get frustrated watching us continuously banging our heads against the walls of ego and control that we put in front of him day after day. But, hopefully, eventually, we learn to trust him, and take another step closer to the Kingdom of Heaven.