A Letter to My Younger Self: From Online to Oprah

Cornell Professor Karl Pillemer interviewed over a thousand senior citizens for The Legacy Project, collecting advice that later found its way into a book entitled 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans.

Advice for Work and Life

Most of the people interviewed recommend traveling more and worrying less. Dr. Pillemer says that the elders all agree that a person should “[c]hoose a career for its intrinsic value rather than how much money you will make.” And when a person finds himself in a position he doesn’t like, “Make the most of a bad job … learn how the industry works, about communicating with other employees, about customer service.” One person advised, “You can even learn from a bad boss—how not to be a bad boss!”

A Huffington Post article by Shelley Emling included advice from 116-year-old Besse Cooper, who was featured in the book, Extraordinary Centenarians in America: Their Secrets to Living a Long Vibrant Life. Cooper says the secret to long life is: “Mind your own business and don't eat junk food. Treat everyone the way you want to be treated, work hard and love what you do."

In “A Letter to My Younger Self: BBQ Networking,” Dr. Richard Johnson wrote to his son, advising him to “try different jobs to see what fits you best … When I was your age I had dollar signs in my eyes. I thought the best job was the one that paid the most … I was wrong.”

Live Long and Prosper

In an article titled “Want to Live Long and Prosper? Have a Purpose for Your Life,” Mark D. Roberts reflects on his grandfather’s retirement from a career as a civil engineer. In retirement, his grandfather did engineering work for several organizations. “This work energized my grandfather and gave him a sense of meaning,” Mark says. “I expect it did contribute to his living well beyond the norm.

Richard Eckart, in "A Letter to My Younger Self: Three Crucial Needs In Your Life," advises the following to survive both good times and hard times:

• Know what you believe
• Surround yourself with good friends
• Find a good mentor

Mental Floss collected 100 pieces of advice from 100-year-olds. A sampling:

• “Have lots of people in the house and lots of different kinds of people—young, old, black, white, people from all over the world. People have always energized me.”
• “To stay healthy always, take the stairs and carry your own stuff. I take two stairs at a time, to get my muscles moving.”
• “My inspiration is Robert Browning’s poem 'Abt Vogler.' My father used to read it to me. It encourages us to make big art, not small scribbles. It says to try to draw a circle so huge that there is no way we can finish it while we are alive. All we see is an arch; the rest is beyond our vision but it is there in the distance.”
• “Be lovable. I’ve lived a long life because there are so many people who love me.”
• “Laughter keeps you healthy. You can survive by seeing the humor in everything. Thumb your nose at sadness; turn the tables on tragedy. You can’t laugh and be angry, you can’t laugh and feel sad, you can’t laugh and feel envious.”

In an online forum, retirees were asked what advice they would give to their younger selves. Some responses:

• Worry less about acquiring “stuff” and more about spending quality time with the ones you love
• It is never too late to make positive changes to your life, and never too late to go in a different direction than the one you are heading. That applies to career, education, relationships and everything else that matters.
• Treat everyone with kindness, it makes life so much better for them and you.
• Take care of your health, as one day time and your health will be more valuable to you than anything else. (Always use sunscreen.)
• Tell those you love that you appreciate and really love them, (and say it often.)
• Lead a somewhat minimalist life and bank for the future. Pay cash. Children learn what they live. You can live a happy, fulfilling and productive life without ever bringing another child into the world. Work hard at something you enjoy. You'll be glad you did.
• Save a few bucks every paycheck.

Know a High Calling will Sustain and Fulfill You

In the May 2012 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine, Oprah Winfrey wrote a letter to her younger self, the 20-year-old self she addressed as Dear beautiful brown-skinned girl. In the letter, Oprah advised, “see yourself with your own eyes”—not the eyes of a guy named Bubba (yes, she was dating a guy named Bubba). She claimed her younger self “spent too many days and years trying to please others and be what they wanted [her] to be.”

She continues, “You will have to learn that the wounds of your past—rape, molestation, whippings for ‘stepping out of place,’ and not being allowed to show anger or cry afterward—damaged your self-esteem. Yet through it all, you've held on to a belief in God and God's belief in you.” Oprah recalls a phone call from a television news director that changed her life. What informed her response? Her then-favorite Bible verse, Philippians 3:14, "I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."

“Knowing there is a ‘high calling’ is what will sustain and fulfill you,” Oprah writes.

Diana Trautwein knows about that high calling. She wrote “A Letter to My Younger Self: Trust Yourself,” urging herself not to waste a minute of the second half of life and its opportunities to grow a rich inner life. “Keep reading about contemplative practices, carve out time for daylong retreats, continue to work with a spiritual director.” And “you know what you need to know. And what you don’t know, you’ll learn.” Diana reassures her younger self that nothing in the first half of life will be wasted; “your age and life experience will add value to everything you do,” so “go, and do, and be all that you’re meant to go and do and be. Because that is why you’re still here, dear girl. That’s why you are still here.”