Masturbation

Masturbation, or self-stimulation that produces erotic arousal, is nearly universally practiced (more frequently by men then women) from infancy through old age. The practice is subject to varying interpretations that range from being a gift of God to always being a sin. Before you jump to a quick conclusion, consider the following discussion.

God’s Original Intention

God created man and woman as sexual beings with desires and passionate longings. These passions and desires are part of God’s good creation. Therefore, infants desire nurture, children desire responsiveness, preadolescents desire close friends, teens desire loving friends, and adults desire companionship and sexual intimacy. God created us with sexual desires in order to create and nurture the bond between husband and wife (Genesis 2:24; 1 Cor. 7:3-5), to provide intimate pleasure (Proverbs 5:18-19) and to sustain creation through offspring (Malachi 2:15). Since God created the male and female bodies for one another, for intimacy and relationship, masturbation by its very nature falls short of the full expression of sexuality God intended. Yet it is interesting that there are only two forms of sexual expression not prohibited in the Bible: sex within the marriage relationship (by the Bible’s overt affirmation) and masturbation (by the Bible’s silence on the subject). Solomon says of these passions that God has placed within us, and of love in particular, that “love is as strong as death. . . . It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame” (Song 8:6). The discovery, acceptance, appreciation and nurture of this blazing fire within is a good and godly pilgrimage.

As with all pilgrimages, on this one there are detours and obstacles along the way. Because we are fallen creatures, our passions can lead us away from God and healthy sexuality. According to the New Testament, especially Paul, to be driven by the passions of fallen human nature is to be enslaved to sin. This affects the whole person, including the mind and the will (Romans 1:26). A person’s desires can lead to ungodly acts (Ephes. 4:22), to gratification apart from good (Galatians 5:16), to the breakup of marriage (compare Matthew 5:28), to distance from God (Ephes. 2:3). Even prayer can be misused (James 4:1-3).

The solution to fallen flesh in the New Testament is to receive God’s love and Holy Spirit and to follow after the prompting of the Spirit (Romans 8:9-11; Galatians 5:16-18). With regard to sexuality, as one walks after the Spirit, one realizes that both by the purchase accomplished by Christ on the cross and by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit one’s body belongs to the Lord, not to sexual immorality (1 Cor. 6:9-20). Further, self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit. Self-control is the grace-enacted restraining or moderating of one’s desires or having power over oneself rather than being mastered by anything (1 Cor. 7:5, 9; 1 Cor. 9:25; Galatians 5:23). Redeemed sexuality, then, could include the following: accepting sexual desire and sensuality as God’s good creation; repenting from the cultural sexual ethic toward God’s purposes for sexuality; developing the ability to accept nurturing from others, including God, and to nurture self, that is, to know and express desires, wants and areas of discomfort; developing warm and caring friendships that are not erotic or genital with the same and opposite sex; and seeking a special mutual intimacy in marriage in which each person willingly abandons the self to the other sexually in a temporary surrender of ego and control that grows and matures over time.

Understanding Masturbation

How does all this apply to the issue of masturbation? First we look at masturbation as an expression of the passion of fallen human nature. In children masturbatory behaviors can become a negative behavior pattern leading to extreme withdrawal when children do not have enough interaction with people or activities, are severely punished for playing with their genitals or are inappropriately sexually stimulated by others. In adolescence and beyond, fantasy generally accompanies masturbation. We know from behavioral psychology that pleasure, more than pain, shapes behavior. What gives pleasure is likely to be repeated.

When an individual repeatedly masturbates to an unhealthy fantasy (that is, one involving power, manipulation, coercion, or one-sided, nonconsenting same-sex or multiple-partner relationships), the pleasure experience imprints the fantasy’s sexual misbeliefs (“What feels good is good”; “What feels good must be right”; “I must be gay”; “I am so horny I can’t control myself”) and increases the proclivity to act out the fantasy. Counselors repeatedly see unhealthy masturbatory fantasies as part of inappropriate and illegal compulsive sexual behaviors. The personal cost of an unhealthy masturbatory fantasy/behavior is an increase in isolation and loneliness, the creation of unrealistic expectations and imprinting that may lead to destructive behaviors. In marriage an unhealthy masturbatory fantasy/behavior may weaken the marital and emotional bond, increasing the distance between spouses. In these situations the person is mastered by his or her passions and is out of control and in need of God’s grace as well as clinical wisdom in order to follow after the Spirit, to regain self-control and to honor the Lord with his or her body.

Second, we look at masturbation as an expression of redeemed sexuality. To experience and accept one’s body as a gift from God means that looking, touching and experiencing pleasure is a normal, developmental part of healthy sexuality. Further, a healthy masturbatory fantasy/behavior (that is, one that anticipates or images a monogamous, mutual, heterosexual marriage relationship) can assist a person in developing sexual awareness and sensitivity, in learning about genital arousal and orgasm, in anticipating or focusing on appropriate future marital relationships rather than being promiscuous, and in easing the transition into shared intimacies in marriage. There are often times in marriage when one’s spouse is not available for sexual intimacy; masturbation with a fantasy imaging mutual positive experiences with one’s spouse is an acceptable alternative if it increases openness and closeness rather than distance. On the other hand, not all arousal needs to be pursued. Arousal can be allowed to subside with no impediment to the self or the relationship.

Practical Strategies

In making decisions about masturbation and fantasy you may find the following points and questions helpful.

Thank God for your sexual feelings and for the Spirit, who redeems our passions and leads us in self-control (whether present or still to come).

Know that you can control your fantasy and that you are responsible for your behavior. God has created you in Christ for this maturity.

If you feel stuck in a negative pattern, resist despising yourself; resist focusing too much on this one area of your life. Seek competent counsel, and remember that God welcomes you and will not cast you off.

When you sense yourself becoming aroused, engage your mind and ask yourself a few questions before you decide to masturbate. By being in touch with your emotional experiences and open before God, you can decide whether to continue or to allow the arousal to dissipate and deal with the feelings and thoughts accompanying the arousal. Ask yourself what has triggered this arousal: positive desire? delight in passions? anger? sadness? frustration? If the emotions are negative, deal with these. Masturbation will be inappropriate. Also ask yourself what consequences you will experience in relationship to God, to significant others and to yourself: appreciation? positive anticipation? coolness? distance? regret? guilt? Make your decision in light of your answers.

» See also: Imagination

» See also: Pleasure

» See also: Sexuality

References and Resources

D. G. Benner, Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1985); G. R. Collins, Christian Counseling: A Comprehensive Guide (Waco, Tex.: Word, 1980); J. R. Johnson, “Toward a Biblical Approach to Masturbation,” Journal of Psychology and Theology 10, no. 2 (1982) 137-46; C. Penner and J. Penner, Counseling for Sexual Disorders (Dallas: Word Publications, 1990); C. Penner and J. Penner, Sexual Facts for the Family (Dallas: Word Publications, 1992); J. White, Eros Defiled (Downers Grove, Ill.: InterVarsity Press, 1977).

—Mike Nichols